OutdoorMissouri.com

Here's the thing: I'm friends with everyone in this office....I love them all and we're all best friends. But sometimes, your best friends start coming in late and having a lot of dentist appointments that aren't really dentist appointments.
--Michael

"Home Owner." Feels good. The best thing about this place is that it's a fifteen-minute walk from work, so if we have an office party, and I "get my drink on," I can just walk home. Location, location, location.
--Michael

I am going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout fo the office to maximize everything!...I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company, are we not?
--Michael

Listen, I like kids....But this isn't a kids' environment. This office is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what I'm gonna say? Crazy stuff. It's not rated G, it's rated R.
--Michael

I never smile if I can help it. Showing your teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
--Dwight

Don't be fooled by the term "dust bunnies." They're not cuddly...they're vicious little bi+ches and if they get into your disk drives, God help you, they can bring your computer to its knees. They live their whole lives in corners hatching, defecating, and laying eggs.
--Dwight

Nope, still not funny

I would have to agree.

We are a family here...and Phyllis is like a valued member of the family. Like the grandmother.
--Michael

My grandfather left me a sixty-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin....We sell beets to local stores, restaurants. It's a pretty cool little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
--Dwight

The thing is, my message has to be really funny. I have a responsibility to the office, because I've set the bar, you know, way up here.
--Michael

Alright, everybody in the conference room. I don't care if you are gay or straight or a lesbian or overweight, just get in there, right now!
--Michael

If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd be able to just countdown from my previous cycle. Women don't know how easy they've got it.
--Dwight

I like the people I work with, generally...but someone committed a crime. And I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Deputy Sheriff to make friends. By the way, I haven't.
--Dwight

We're just having a guys-in-the-workplace thing....Why can't boys play with dolls? Why are there no diaper changing tables in men's rooms? Why does society expect us to use urinals when sitting is more comfortable?
--Michael