the office quotes

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » March 27th, 2008, 9:07 am

When I'm playing hoops, all the stress and responsibility of my position melt away. In the zone. It's zen. It's physical....Who am I? I don't know. A basketball machine. What is Dunder-Mifflin? Never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » March 28th, 2008, 4:24 pm

You should be able to sell a lot here. This branch grossed over a million last year. Not that we're all millionaires, of course....I'm probably closest.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » March 28th, 2008, 4:27 pm

There are five stages to grief...and it's my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 1st, 2008, 12:55 pm

There's no such thing as an inappropriate joke...that's why they're jokes.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 2nd, 2008, 3:48 pm

Why does everything I think about women turn out to be the opposite of what's going on? Is that why they call them "the opposite sex?"
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 4th, 2008, 9:16 am

I live in a nine-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range...it's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, since I only have one, and it's under the porch.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 4th, 2008, 4:28 pm

Okay, motivational dance contest, everybody!...Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Drive points home. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.
--Michael

Triton X2 · Post by **Triton X2** » April 7th, 2008, 1:28 pm

Hey Rafe, you post paddin MOFO, where is today's entry. I70, I think, is beginning to like em and needing to see todays.

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 7th, 2008, 3:10 pm

Without a doubt, coffee is the single best incentivisor for an office. The secret is that it's quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only one. You hear stories...in the 80's when people didn't know how bad cocaine was. Man did they move paper!
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 9th, 2008, 9:25 am

It hasn't always been easy being a whistle-blower. When I was younger, the other kids would call me "tattletale" or "squealer" or "worm". Everyone hated me. I really identify with those ladies at Enron. I wrote to them to tell them how much I admired them, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married.
--Dwight

Triton X2 · Post by **Triton X2** » April 9th, 2008, 10:32 am

I just had to say that didnt I?

Warmouth · Post by **Warmouth** » April 9th, 2008, 11:24 am

Keep it up Rafe, don't let The Man keep you down!!1!

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 10th, 2008, 12:00 pm

It's clear to me now. They only loved me when I was strong and walking around....That is so prejudiced. What kind of boss am I if I've raised such an insensitive group?
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 11th, 2008, 1:24 pm

When I die I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » April 23rd, 2008, 9:32 am

I read that book, Who Moved My Cheese?, which is a great business book, but I actually bought it because I thought it was a suspense thriller.
--Michael