OutdoorMissouri.com

Mary O'Malley came up to Father Fitzpatrick after the Sunday morning mass distraught and in tears. "What is the matter, my child?" asked the priest. "Father Fitspatrick, me husband, Shamus, died suddenly just last night."
"Oh my, that's a terrible shame. Did he have any last request before he passed on?", asked the Padre.
"Why yes he did, Father. The final words from his mouth were "Mary, put down that damned gun." "

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."