OutdoorMissouri.com

After a heavy day's digging at the archeological site
in Norway, researchers uncovered a priceless statue of
the ancient Norse thunder god. He had bulging muscles
and imposing stance, and his famous giant hammer. But
most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking
face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with
a brilliant red color.

Of course, the two leading archeologists on the dig
were both determined that they should be the one to
have their name listed on the discovery. Pretty soon,
a big argument was underway.

The two provided the others with a great source of
amusement for the evening. By the time they finally
gave up and called a truce, everyone else was feeling
quite refreshed by the entertainment. As the crowd
dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend,
and said:





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"Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes."

This moderator thing is harder than it looks.....

A string walks into a bar and the bartender bellows from behind the counter, "We do not serve strings in here, leave!"

So the string walks outside, ties himself into a knot, frays up the top of his head and then reenters the bar.

Bartender remarks "Aren?t you that string that was just in here?"
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The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot"

A skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender "give me a beer and a mop".

A seal walks into a club.

A termite walks into a salon and asks.....

"Is the bartender here?"

A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "dam".

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"

"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere." says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake.

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Larrs appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken. Larson grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head...."First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Knute parrotshooting. . . and now Larson hengliding....."

Why did the ghost have to go to the hospital? Because he had a.....................
















this is really bad....









sure you are ready for this???????????

































































































a hallow weinie

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and

order the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a

lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself,

the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little

eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.



"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He didn't, so she asks him to

look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes

looking around before it slams down.



Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening,

and demands an explanation.



"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"



The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."







You're going to love this...



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Ah ..... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."

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Create yourself a great day, no matter what is peeking at you ! --jkt

ROE VS. WADE

Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, was asked his views on Roe vs. Wade.

He said he didn't care how people got back to their houses.

You hear about the invisible man an invisible woman who got married and had some kids,




yeah the kids werent much to look at either.

I went to a seafood smorgasboard the other night and got hurt while there......












Yeah, I pulled a mussel....

I went to a male antennae and a female antennae's wedding the other day. The ceremony was great but the.......











reception was poor.