Christmas Best Sellers:
The Art of Kissing
by Miss L Toe
Winning at Charades
by Vic Tree
Guessing your Presents
by P. King
Bad Gifts
by M.T. Box
How to get a Great Present
by B. N. Good
What do do after Christmas Dinner
by Clare Inup
101 Cures for Indegestion
by Iva Pain
Sledding for Beginners
by I.C. Bottom
Christmas Questions
by I. Dunnoe & Noah Little
Make your parents get what you want
by Ruth Lesschild
Surprise present!
by Omar Gosh
I'd rather have fish for Christmas Dinner
by Ann Chovie
Happy New Year
by Mary Christmas
Will Grandpa Be Home for Christmas
by Willy Kum
Too much Christmas Dinner
by O. Beese
My Brother Hogs all the Spuds
by Dick Tator
Holliday Cheer.......
Holliday Cheer.......
Carrying a gun isn't about killing.
It's about staying alive.
It's about staying alive.
Re: Holliday Cheer.......
Top Ten Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid:
10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing
6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a reindeer head in his bed.
5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list
4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee
3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."
1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"
10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling
7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing
6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a reindeer head in his bed.
5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list
4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee
3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."
1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"
Carrying a gun isn't about killing.
It's about staying alive.
It's about staying alive.
Re: Holliday Cheer.......
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND ALL THROUGH THE SHACK,
NOT A DARN THING WAS A MOVIN', FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK.
THE KIDS WERE IN BED, WE HAD NINE AT THE TIME,
THE WIFE IN HER CURLERS, WAS LOOKIN' REAL FINE.
A COLD WIND WAS BLOWIN', UP THE HOLLER IT MOANED,
TEN DOGS ON THE PORCH ALL HOWLED AND GROANED.
THE BOYS WERE ALL DREAMIN' OF WEAPONS AND GUNS,
FOR KILLIN' GOD'S CREATURES, ...THERE'S NO BETTER FUN!
THE GIRLS IN THEIR FEMININE DREAMS WERE ATTUNED,
TO GETTING THOSE GALLONS OF WAL-MART PERFUME.
THE WIFE WANTED JEWELRY, LIKE RINGS WITH BIG ROCKS.
I JUST WANTED MY CHEVY DOWN OFF OF THEM BLOCKS.
THEN OUT IN YARD, SUCH A NOISE DID COMMENCE,
LIKE SOMETHING WAS CAUGHT IN OUR NEW BOB-WAR FENCE.
I RAN TO THE WINDOW, AND SAW PRETTY QUICK,
THE MAN MAKIN' THAT RACKET, WAS GOOD OL' ST. NICK.
YOU MAY THINK OF SANTA IN YOU OWN MIND'S EYE,
DRESSED IN A RED AND WHITE SUIT, BUT I'VE GOT A SURPRISE.
THAT OLD BOY'S AN ARKIE, FROM UP NEAR MT. GAYLOR,
HE MARRIED HIS COUSIN, AND THEY LIVE IN A TRAILER.
ON CHRISTMAS, OF COURSE, A SLEIGH FOR HIS RIG,
HE HOOKS THE THING UP TO A RAZORBACK PIG!
HE CLIMBED ON THE ROOF, WITH HIS BAG FULL OF GOODIES,
HE BACKED DOWN THE FIREPLACE, ALL DIRTY AND SOOTY.
FAT LEGS IN HIS BRITCHES, CHUBBY HANDS IN HIS MITTENS,
I MUST ADMIT FROM THE BACK, HE LOOKED LOTS LIKE BILL CLINTON.
HE TURNED TOWARD THE TREE, HIS EYES ALL AGLOW,
HE WAS AN ARKANSAS BOY FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOE.
HIS NECK WAS A RED ONE, HIS SHIRT SAID "LITE BEER",
HE HAD NO RED HAT ON, BUT HIS CAP READ "JOHN DEERE".
HE LEFT ALL THE PRESENTS, WITH AN AIR OF DELIGHT,
THEN IT WAS BACK TO THE CHIMNEY, AND INTO THE NIGHT.
HE RAN INTO THE YARD, THREW HIS BAG IN THE SLEIGH,
THEN HE YELLED AT THE DOGS, "GET THE heck OUT TH' WAY!"
I RAN OUT TO ASK HIM WHY HE BROUGHT SUCH GOOD CHEER;
BUT INSTEAD HE JUST ASKED ME, "YOU GET YOU A DEER?"
THEN I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM, AS THOSE PIGS TOOK FLIGHT,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...I NEED A BUD LITE!"
NOT A DARN THING WAS A MOVIN', FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK.
THE KIDS WERE IN BED, WE HAD NINE AT THE TIME,
THE WIFE IN HER CURLERS, WAS LOOKIN' REAL FINE.
A COLD WIND WAS BLOWIN', UP THE HOLLER IT MOANED,
TEN DOGS ON THE PORCH ALL HOWLED AND GROANED.
THE BOYS WERE ALL DREAMIN' OF WEAPONS AND GUNS,
FOR KILLIN' GOD'S CREATURES, ...THERE'S NO BETTER FUN!
THE GIRLS IN THEIR FEMININE DREAMS WERE ATTUNED,
TO GETTING THOSE GALLONS OF WAL-MART PERFUME.
THE WIFE WANTED JEWELRY, LIKE RINGS WITH BIG ROCKS.
I JUST WANTED MY CHEVY DOWN OFF OF THEM BLOCKS.
THEN OUT IN YARD, SUCH A NOISE DID COMMENCE,
LIKE SOMETHING WAS CAUGHT IN OUR NEW BOB-WAR FENCE.
I RAN TO THE WINDOW, AND SAW PRETTY QUICK,
THE MAN MAKIN' THAT RACKET, WAS GOOD OL' ST. NICK.
YOU MAY THINK OF SANTA IN YOU OWN MIND'S EYE,
DRESSED IN A RED AND WHITE SUIT, BUT I'VE GOT A SURPRISE.
THAT OLD BOY'S AN ARKIE, FROM UP NEAR MT. GAYLOR,
HE MARRIED HIS COUSIN, AND THEY LIVE IN A TRAILER.
ON CHRISTMAS, OF COURSE, A SLEIGH FOR HIS RIG,
HE HOOKS THE THING UP TO A RAZORBACK PIG!
HE CLIMBED ON THE ROOF, WITH HIS BAG FULL OF GOODIES,
HE BACKED DOWN THE FIREPLACE, ALL DIRTY AND SOOTY.
FAT LEGS IN HIS BRITCHES, CHUBBY HANDS IN HIS MITTENS,
I MUST ADMIT FROM THE BACK, HE LOOKED LOTS LIKE BILL CLINTON.
HE TURNED TOWARD THE TREE, HIS EYES ALL AGLOW,
HE WAS AN ARKANSAS BOY FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOE.
HIS NECK WAS A RED ONE, HIS SHIRT SAID "LITE BEER",
HE HAD NO RED HAT ON, BUT HIS CAP READ "JOHN DEERE".
HE LEFT ALL THE PRESENTS, WITH AN AIR OF DELIGHT,
THEN IT WAS BACK TO THE CHIMNEY, AND INTO THE NIGHT.
HE RAN INTO THE YARD, THREW HIS BAG IN THE SLEIGH,
THEN HE YELLED AT THE DOGS, "GET THE heck OUT TH' WAY!"
I RAN OUT TO ASK HIM WHY HE BROUGHT SUCH GOOD CHEER;
BUT INSTEAD HE JUST ASKED ME, "YOU GET YOU A DEER?"
THEN I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM, AS THOSE PIGS TOOK FLIGHT,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...I NEED A BUD LITE!"
Carrying a gun isn't about killing.
It's about staying alive.
It's about staying alive.
Re: Holliday Cheer.......
Carrying a gun isn't about killing.
It's about staying alive.
It's about staying alive.