the office quotes

[Rafe Hollister]

Am I gonna tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
--Michael, on downsizing

[Rafe Hollister]

We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard, right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second. And probably an entertainer third.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger, and Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch?...There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology.

--Michael

[Triton X2]

At least put a date on these iffin they come from a desk CALENDAR.

[Rafe Hollister]

When I was five, my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and never came back, so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, "I'm a little too old for this."...And I was five.

--Ryan, at an office funeral for a bird

[Swamp_Fox]

Triton X2 said:
At least put a date on these iffin they come from a desk CALENDAR.

I noticed that all the post are dated.

Moron...

[Rafe Hollister]

I don't need insurance. I've never been sick. Perfect immune system....superior genes. And more importantly, superior brain power. Through concentration I can control my cholesterol. Raise or lower it at will.
--Dwight, on choosing the office health care plan

[Rafe Hollister]

I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King but he didn't even work here.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

Today is spring cleaning here...and, yes, I know that it's January--I'm not an idiot...But if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything.



--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

Come on! Six million dollar man. Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan, I deserve a raise.
--Michael

[hunting170]

Okay Swamp Fox, Dummass has been given enough chances. These still aren`t funny. So as moderator of the joke forum, I think you know what you have to do. I can assure you that no one would be allowed to use the bowhunting, or feral hog forums for their own personal enjoyment. Break out the axe, man.

[LadyAngler]

I watched "The Office" once. ONCE.

[Triton X2]

LadyAngler said:
I watched "The Office" once. ONCE.

I didnt make it through the whole 30 minutes.

[Warmouth]

I like the quotes.

I also think the office is funny in a totally different way than other TV shows. I haven't watched it much, but it is funny if you can relate at all to the show.

[Rafe Hollister]

Diversity Day...yeah, I'd like to see us erase a hundred years of racism in one hour.
--Michael