the office quotes

Triton X2 · Post by **Triton X2** » May 21st, 2008, 6:31 am

Kind of sporadic on this arent ya Rafe?

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » May 21st, 2008, 8:24 am

When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found out she was having twins....A few weeks later, they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » May 22nd, 2008, 1:48 pm

I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids....You just have to joke around with them, give them pizza, give them candy, let them live their lives. They're adults for God's sake.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » May 29th, 2008, 9:08 am

Productivity is important, but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel and I'll get to work, and I'm going to be super-productive. Look out for me!
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » May 29th, 2008, 9:09 am

Word of advice: Unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe.
--Michael, to Pam going on a date

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » May 29th, 2008, 9:10 am

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 5th, 2008, 8:51 am

I hate it when people don't tell each other why they're angry. My dad was like that. I would say, "What's wrong Dad, what's wrong Dad, what's wrong Dad, what's wrong Dad" over and over and over and he would just look at me like I was an idiot.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 5th, 2008, 8:52 am

They took my card away because I spent eight bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought that stuff to impress potential clients. So, business-related. Using magic is an effective sales technique...I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter!...And guess what...they almost bought from us.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 5th, 2008, 8:53 am

I like fake boobs. Oftentimes you find them on strippers. They're very expensive. If I was a stripper I would just get one done first. Let the one pay for the other.
--Kevin

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 5th, 2008, 8:54 am

There's a reason comedy clubs have a two-drink minimum. I mean Seinfeld is a really funny stand-up if you're drunk in a club. If you had to watch him sober in your living room, I doubt it would work.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 5th, 2008, 8:56 am

Being a salesman, I have an acute ability to read people. I can pick up on the subtlest little detail--is his pulse racing in his neck artery? That means he is nervous or happy. Does he lean backward? That means he is either confident or nervous.
--Dwight

Triton X2 · Post by **Triton X2** » June 5th, 2008, 12:47 pm

See that is what I am talking about....May 29th your last post and then today we get 5 of them.....

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 16th, 2008, 8:37 am

There are some things a boss can't share with his employees. His salary--that would just depress them. His bed.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 16th, 2008, 8:38 am

What Michael doesn't realize is that when I worked in the fast food industry, I was actually commended by management for the three M's: McService, McCompetence, and McPunctuality.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 16th, 2008, 8:40 am

Here's the thing about managers and their employees....A good manager says, "Hey--it's my birthday. Celebrate me." A great manager says, "Hey--it's my birthday. Celebrate yourselves because you're the ones who made me great."
--Michael