the office quotes

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 17th, 2008, 1:12 pm

Most guys like women showing cleavage and wearing eight-inch heels. Call me crazy, but I think women look best when they're wearing nothing at all.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 25th, 2008, 8:46 am

Jim and I are great friends and we hang out a ton--mostly at work. And the fact that he told me his secret, and no one else, says everything about our friendship. Which is why I plan on keeping it for as long as I can.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 25th, 2008, 8:48 am

Is there a special someone?...A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a bar, or time with these people, it's a no-brainer. I choose them. With them, it's an "every-day stand." And the next day, I remember their names.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 25th, 2008, 8:49 am

And the "Tight-Ass" Award goes to Angela! Not jus 'cuz she's everyone's favorite stickler, but because she's got a great caboose.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 25th, 2008, 8:51 am

Little known fact about me: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me in the cockpit and I flew the plane for a while....I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » June 26th, 2008, 12:48 pm

Why do I love Hooters? Um, I'll give you two reasons: the boobs and the hot wings.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 3rd, 2008, 9:03 am

I am okay with losing every single contest. My strategy is to compliment everybody else and in general just have a good time. That way they remember me as a good sport, which I will use to my advantage in a contest I care enough about to cheat in.
--Andy

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 7th, 2008, 8:46 am

You were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hos in the world, and then...then suddenly she's not your ho no mo.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 8th, 2008, 8:55 am

I'll start us off. Let's go around and everyone--everyone--say a race that you are attracted to, sexually.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 11th, 2008, 4:27 pm

A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 11th, 2008, 4:31 pm

My cousin Heindl could have been a great athlete, but he bought a pair of irregular footie pajamas from the store and his legs grew unevenly. Now he can only run in broad elliptical patterns. When he ran for the bus he would have to aim 45 degrees to the right, and the natural curve of his warped-leg path would eventually guide him back to the door.
--Dwight

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 16th, 2008, 8:41 am

I live by one rule: No office romances. Not appropriate. Messy. But the other rule I live by: Just Do It....Sometimes there are two rules.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 25th, 2008, 1:22 pm

Did General Patton actually fight in World War 2? No, he delegated the fighting to soldiers after telling them what to do....I like to be in the trenches. But I still have to tell other people what to do..."Lead that battalion over there." "You guys, jump on those grenades and save a village." That's just good management.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 25th, 2008, 1:24 pm

With dissatisfied clients, it doesn't matter what you did, all they want to hear is that you're sorry. They're like women that way. And this client is a woman. So double-whammy.
--Michael

Rafe Hollister · Post by **Rafe Hollister** » July 28th, 2008, 9:27 am

What did I do? I did my job. Slashed benefits to the bone. Saved this company money. Too harsh? Maybe. But I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Oh, my left leg is hurt. I can't run. A lion eats me, I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
--Dwight, on choosing an office health care plan