the office quotes

[Triton X2]

This thread need to become a little more current...not put 4 or 5 in every couple of weeks...I have spoken.

[Rafe Hollister]

When you do something good, you will get one Schrute Buck. A thousand Schrute Bucks equals an extra five minutes for lunch. If you feel you have done something to merit a Schrute Buck, see my new number two, Andy.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

I went to Cornell...I graduated in four years. I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a cappella group "Here Comes Treble."
--Andy

[Rafe Hollister]

Negotiations are all about controlling things, being in the driver's seat. You make one tiny mistake, and you're dead. And I made one tiny mistake. I wore women's clothes.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

The purse girl hits all the things I'm looking for on my checklist. Genetically, she's a perfect match. Hips, teeth, back, calves, hair...I haven't seen the feet. And great breasts, of course. For my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch. But before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery. So, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.
--Jim

[Rafe Hollister]

You think Stanleys grow on trees?...Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree. You think the world is crawling with Phyllises?...Show me that farm, with Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

SWAG! Stuff. We. All. Get....I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG!
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

It's not the 80's anymore....We're still a family here...but the families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I'm upper management now, and it's not appropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as i might want to.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

One of our most ethnic coworkers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community...to have Kelly explain it...it's blah blah blah. It's so super-fun...lots of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially an Indian Halloween.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

I can't really explain it. He's always in my bid-ness. Which is ebonics for being in my face and annoying the bejesus outta me. I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

How would I describe myself? Three words: Hard-working. Alpha-male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
--Dwight

[Rafe Hollister]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

Speaking of romance...I went on a date last night with a girl from H.R. ... but before I could get her bra off, she made me fill out six hours worth of forms.
--Michael

[Rafe Hollister]

Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. I feel like a large part of what I am being paid for here is my loyalty. But if someone else were to value that loyalty more highly...I am going to go wherever they value loyalty the most.
--Dwight