Something to kick off the week.

[2BHNTN]

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> Juan on Juan.
>
> What is a Yankee?
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> Why is divorce so expensive?
> Because it's worth it.
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends
> over?
> Doughnuts.
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
> any.
>
> What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50
> politicians in a room
> together?
> 100 people who don't do dick.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
> Their personalities.
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>
> 45 lbs.
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and
> husband?
> 45 minutes.
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
> sensitive, caring, and
> good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a
> new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of
> marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have
> no intention of driving.
>
> A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third
> grade. Who has the
> biggest boobs?
> The blonde, because she's 18.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was
> pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer
> Nuts?
> Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a
> buck.
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools
> use the car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class
> uses it.
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III
>
> What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A different bar.
>
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
> shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment.
>
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
> northern zoo?
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on
> the front of the cage
> along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to
> say the F... word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
> *BINGO*!
>
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale
> and a southern fairytale?
>
> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A
> southern fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this poopoo..."
>
> Why is there no Disneyland in China?
> No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
>